Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!!! I am thankful for each and every one of you, and for the ability and opportunity to share my artwork and my thoughts with you all.
And, since today is Turkey Day, I’d like to celebrate The Turkey. I have compiled a list of The Top Ten Turkeys Of All Time. These ten are strictly my opinion, with very little or no scientific research. Here goes:
10. The Ford Edsel: The Edsel was hyped by Ford as “The Car Of The Future”. But, it was ill received by the public and only produced for three model years. Its name has become synonymous with corporate failure.
9. The Pontiac Astre/Chevrolet Vega: I actually like the original Vega design. Chevrolet re-designed it in ’74, which was a mistake. Pontiac cloned it as The Astre. It even featured the Vega’s all aluminum engine. Gobble, Gobble.
8. The Ford Pinto: I drove a Pinto for about a year before the shifter and the transmission fell out. Literally. The guy that bought it replaced the shifter with a motorcycle foot peg. Much has been written about the Combustion Capabilities of these cars. Deep Fried Turkey.
7. The Volkswagen Thing: Being a VW Guy, I actually like the Thing and really wouldn’t mind having one. But, facts are facts, and the fact is the Thing rolled off the line in Wolfsburg and hit the ground like a bag of wet cement. This Turkey was only available in the States for three years before going the way of the Dodo.
6. The Dodge Aspen: Mopar has built some incredible cars over the decades. This wasn’t one of them. The Aspen and its sister car, the Plymouth Volare, were introduced to replace the Dart and failed miserably. It only lasted four model years, from ’76 to ’80 and then, thankfully, went away. At one point Dodge tried to market it with an R/T package, which was like putting lipstick on a pig. Or, in this case, a Turkey.
5. The Ford Mustang II: Ford might have Had A Better Idea, but that certainly wasn’t the case here. I really don’t know what they were thinking. I personally refuse to even count it in the proud history of The Mustang. I realize we were running out of gas in 1974, but surely they could have come up with a better design than this. They took the Mustang and turned it into a gelding. Actually, a Turkey.
4. The AMC Pacer: Ah, the Pacer. I remember looking through a magazine when I was 16 and seeing an article featuring drawings of the car designs of the future. The Pacer was one of them. I realize they actually made limos out of them and one was in Wayne’s World, but this poor car resembled a rolling Easter Egg. Gobble Till You Wobble!
3. The Ford Granada: Ford is on a roll here. My parents traded a 1972 Caprice, a land yacht with some sense of style and elegance, for one of these things which had all the style and elegance of a cardboard box. I think the one they owned may have possibly been the worst car ever built. It was beige with a burgundy vinyl top, a burgundy interior and a six-cylinder engine I think Ford had built in Outer Slobovia. It would cough and wheeze like a three pack a day man getting out of bed in the morning before it finally got up to speed. If you consider 45 mph up to speed.
2. The Yugo: To quote a saying I once heard by Atlanta radio legend Gary McKee, “Do you know the difference in a Yugo and a Jehovah’s Witness? You can shut the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.”
1. The Triumph TR-7: There have been some real brain farts in the automotive industry throughout the ages, but this is The Triple Flutterblast. For some reason known only to Lord knows who, the geniuses at British Leyland decided in 1974 to replace the TR-6, direct descendent of the TR-250, two of the greatest roadsters ever built, with this thing. The ads billed it as “The Shape Of Things To Come.” Apparently the Shape Of Things To Come was a door stopper. I refuse to even call it a turkey. It’s an insult to The Turkey.
So there are my Top Ten Turkeys. This list is only partial, as there are many more Toms and Hens out there that did not make the cut. Honorable mentions go to the Geo Metro, the Cadillac Cimarron and the Chevy Chevette. If I have stepped on any toes, I am sorry. Rebuttals, harrumphs and hear hears are welcome!
I sincerely hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday filled with family, friends, warmth and cheer. Bless you all, each and every one! Still Cruisin’! –J.
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